Today i had to remember the feeling of digging inside my heart and stripping it down to the 3 things which made life worth living.
(hhmm...there is torture in remembering and talking too much about yourself BUT I still prefer this over studying QA. So, yay!)
1. Did I find it easy to think of my top 3 things?
If my memory serves me right I think I put:
- All of the people I love.
- The Unknown Future.
- Happy and Meaningful experiences.
Was it hard for me to choose these? No. It was quite fast actually. I think I know myself pretty well. I am a relatively simple person and I do not have a lot of baggages. I love my family and my friends the most. I am driven by not knowing what the future holds. And I am like a scrapbook of all the best and worst experiences over the years. These pretty much sums up my reasons for living.
2. Review your ♥ what is its message to you?
My heart (the literal drawing with the words on it) shows that I am an adventurer on a long and winding quest for meaning. Meaning for everyting - from the biggest to the most trivial things. Meaning for my life being set in a hot weathered 3rd world country and not in a rich gorgeous European city. Meaning for why I can't have my life, my family, and my dreams all together at the same time. Meaning for meeting the best people but knowing i cannot keep them forever. I can go on forever. The way I think is like a curse. I have the need to understand everything. (Otherwise, how can I live up to being Ms. I Have An Opinion About Everyting? LOL)
I am fueled by the love I get from my family - who is my solid support group together with my freinds. Sometimes I wonder if my mom really wants the best for me by always sending me away to places that give me a hard time or if she is just punishing for being a hard headed brat. But I take it as the former (because I don't want to admit that I am a brat). Getting a lot of love around you does change some things. It makes you braver, bolder, and strive higher because no matter what happens whether you win or you lose, you have people who will take you for the winner or the loser that you are. And you can just laugh about everything that went wrong and you won't feel like you lost at all. And your wins become most meaningful because you have people to share them with.
Hmm.. I couldn't link the gaps in my notes and I can't figure out the next questions, so, to summarize, I realized that my age and being single has a lot to do with how I live my life right now. When I get married and have kids it will definitely make a complete 360 degree turn.Things like priorities and my top 3 reasons for living will definitely change. Being the drama queen that I am, living a full and meaningful life is most important to me. My greatest fear is being a failure and living an empty life. So while I am young I am making the necessary sacrifices so that I have no regrets in the future.
In the workplace, being in marketing is my outlet for creativity and restlessness. I have to always be thinking of and working on something new to keep me from being bored and demotivated. When things start becoming a meaningless routine I become unhappy so I leave before I go crazy. And to go back to being (sort of) sane I take my MBA degree hoping it will sort me out. It has been about 3 months....and so far so good... :)
Nautanki adj. Hindi word for Drama Queen
These are the words I have recently come to accept as the best adjectives to describe me.
But it's more than just being the best at sensationalizing the silliest things.
I am a drama queen because I am complicated. I am the odd combination of opposing
personalities. Most people think what meets the eye is everything there is to me. That's ok.
It is not their obligation to figure me out. In the same way that I do not care about their opinion because they don't know me - which probably explains why I am the crazy way that I am.
While some people, who are mostly my good friends both old and new, see beyond the facade. They know that I am just as serious as I am a wacko. I value them more than anything. My loyalty is uncanny. Bring on the battles, I will fight for them for as long as I am breathing (and if there is free food ;) joke.)
As my introduction may have hinted, this blog is about my journey to self discovery. Yes it is required and it is for school. I had to say this. Most of my best girl friends may see this and find it so weird that I am self analyzing (yet again) in a blog. 2 things: I am lazy and I am not a techie.
But what the heck, this is going to help me figure my self out and hopefully help me grow. Even better, this might just be my ticket to a balanced state of maturity and childishness. Because no matter how far I go or how high I can get, I am keeping the little girl in me.
So before moving on to the good stuff, I am going to indulge a little more on myself. After all, self discovery is about the self. Me, moi, ako. These are some traits which i think are inner misfits. The objective: at the end of this term, i should be able to explain why I am the way I am.
- I have a lot of acquaintances and I am a very sociable person but I can only count with my fingers my real good friends.
- I like being a loner and travelling all by myself. Thanks to my former job, I have discovered that I like taking 6 hour bus trips in the wee hours of the morning alone. Spending time with myself in a far place where nobody knows me is one of the best things I have ever done.
- I am not a risk taker but I am too decisive for my own good. A lot of times, I have had to deal with the consequences of my uncalculated decisions.
- I can stare at dresses in the internet for a whole day. I save them and stare at them every day with no intention of buying them.
- I laugh too much. I think.
- I take matters in own hands. I just love the evil deed of subtle untraceable revenge. I believe in the saying: Revenge is a dessert best served when cold.
