I honestly don't know what to write about right now. I just know that there is a dark cloud covering my halo and it's troubling me. I am not happy that's for sure. But I don't know why.
I don't want to go back to school for a while. I don't want to see it. I don't want to remember it. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to go out either. I don't know what I want. I have been acting irrationally over the past few hours. I have picked fights left and right. Every little thing annoys me like crazy. I've been holding on to this LOB reading for almost 24 hours still on the first page. I am not actually reading it. I am just holding it. Literally. I have no interest in it. I don't care what happens to me anymore. I don't know what's happening. I am in serious demotivation. I have diagnosed it but I am not doing anything about it. I'm fed up.
Oh and I flunked my last LOB exam because I have stopped caring. This is serious trouble. Whatever.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
My Virtuoso Dream Team
Reading about the Virtuoso Team gave me the picture of a room full of over-smoking artists and hard core nerds. If they had one thing in common it's that they are the best in something one war or the other. I bow down to people who have the most original ideas that I could never think of. I have 3 guys in mind when it comes to Virtuoso team level of passion and creativity. They are not big names (some) but to me they are the most impressive.
I am a drooling fan of:
I recently saw The Social Network (which I otherwise call The Facebook Movie). I have always had a fascination with geeks and nerds and how they can be so weird. Back in college, I was sorrounded by them in different forms, shapes, and lines of expertise. To say it quite bluntly, I have discovered that they are not all that great. There are only a select few who really live up to their names. So this facebook guy Mark Zuckerberg, he fit into the mold. Just take a look at his picture above. He looks like an idiot. But he is my creative god. When he was building facebook he zoned out and practically became dead to the world for days. When Yahoo offered to buy facebook for $1 billion he walked away. Creative integrity at its best. Passion is never for sale. He is the Yoda of all creative genius freaks. To top it all, He is only 26 (I am 25) and he is the youngest billionaire ever. I wonder if he is into asian girls...
James Blunt is not that popular to everyone even though he is an international singer. He is a bit weird - for me at least. He used to be in the army. But he shifted to being a singer. And thank God he has. He doesn't have the retail package but he has raw natural talent. More than his singing, I am particularly crazy about his writing. He writes from his heart to my heart (because I can only attest for myself). His writings are so raw at times that listening to him is like talking to myself. I've always believed that passion is contagious. He has rubbed off on me. I listen to him when I'm writing, when I'm sad, when I'm studying and particularly when I'm writing a WAC. He sets my mood.
One of the brightest stars - one of my favorites James Blunt songs.
Ryan Tedder is the lead singer of the band One Republic. He is my 2nd Yoda in writing. He doesn't just write for his band he also writes for female singers like Beyonce. I still can't believe he wrote Halo. That song is so girly! What can I say, the guy is flexible. Besides that he has an awesome voice. This song I will post is my favorite song which he wrote. It comforts me whenever I'm feeling bad. It feels like my heart comforting me.
"Say (All I Need)"
ou hold
Well, all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head
I said I all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head
Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Better than you had it
Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Yeah, better than you had it (Better than you had it)
I said I all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head
I said I all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head
Whenever the end is
Do you think you can see it?
Well, until you get there
Go on, go ahead and scream it
Just say it
I am a drooling fan of:
I recently saw The Social Network (which I otherwise call The Facebook Movie). I have always had a fascination with geeks and nerds and how they can be so weird. Back in college, I was sorrounded by them in different forms, shapes, and lines of expertise. To say it quite bluntly, I have discovered that they are not all that great. There are only a select few who really live up to their names. So this facebook guy Mark Zuckerberg, he fit into the mold. Just take a look at his picture above. He looks like an idiot. But he is my creative god. When he was building facebook he zoned out and practically became dead to the world for days. When Yahoo offered to buy facebook for $1 billion he walked away. Creative integrity at its best. Passion is never for sale. He is the Yoda of all creative genius freaks. To top it all, He is only 26 (I am 25) and he is the youngest billionaire ever. I wonder if he is into asian girls...
James Blunt is not that popular to everyone even though he is an international singer. He is a bit weird - for me at least. He used to be in the army. But he shifted to being a singer. And thank God he has. He doesn't have the retail package but he has raw natural talent. More than his singing, I am particularly crazy about his writing. He writes from his heart to my heart (because I can only attest for myself). His writings are so raw at times that listening to him is like talking to myself. I've always believed that passion is contagious. He has rubbed off on me. I listen to him when I'm writing, when I'm sad, when I'm studying and particularly when I'm writing a WAC. He sets my mood.
One of the brightest stars - one of my favorites James Blunt songs.
One day your story will be told.
One of the lucky ones who's made his name.
One day they'll make you glorious,
Beneath the lights of your deserved fame.
And it all comes round.
Once in a lifetime like it always does.
Everybody loves you 'cause you've taken a chance,
Out on a dance to the moon, too soon.
And they'll say told you so.
We were the ones who saw you first of all.
We always knew that you were one of the brightest stars.
One day they'll tell you that you've changed,
Though they're the ones who seem to stop and stare.
One day you'll hope to make the grave,
Before the papers choose to send you there.
And it all comes round.
Once in a lifetime like it always does.
Nobody loves you 'cause you've taken a chance,
Out on a dance to the moon, too soon.
And they'll say told you so.
We were the ones who saw you first of all.
We always knew that you were one of the brightest stars.
And they'll say told you so.
We were the ones who saw you first of all.
We always knew that you were one of the brightest stars
One of the lucky ones who's made his name.
One day they'll make you glorious,
Beneath the lights of your deserved fame.
And it all comes round.
Once in a lifetime like it always does.
Everybody loves you 'cause you've taken a chance,
Out on a dance to the moon, too soon.
And they'll say told you so.
We were the ones who saw you first of all.
We always knew that you were one of the brightest stars.
One day they'll tell you that you've changed,
Though they're the ones who seem to stop and stare.
One day you'll hope to make the grave,
Before the papers choose to send you there.
And it all comes round.
Once in a lifetime like it always does.
Nobody loves you 'cause you've taken a chance,
Out on a dance to the moon, too soon.
And they'll say told you so.
We were the ones who saw you first of all.
We always knew that you were one of the brightest stars.
And they'll say told you so.
We were the ones who saw you first of all.
We always knew that you were one of the brightest stars
Ryan Tedder is the lead singer of the band One Republic. He is my 2nd Yoda in writing. He doesn't just write for his band he also writes for female singers like Beyonce. I still can't believe he wrote Halo. That song is so girly! What can I say, the guy is flexible. Besides that he has an awesome voice. This song I will post is my favorite song which he wrote. It comforts me whenever I'm feeling bad. It feels like my heart comforting me.
"Say (All I Need)"
ou hold
Well, all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head
I said I all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head
Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Better than you had it
Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Yeah, better than you had it (Better than you had it)
I said I all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head
I said I all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head
Whenever the end is
Do you think you can see it?
Well, until you get there
Go on, go ahead and scream it
Just say it
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
it's never what it seems
Forrest Gump said: Life is like a box of chocolates. You'll never know what you're gonna get.
I sure saw the box. It was a charmer.
I had always loved chocolates. It would take almost no amount of effort to lure me into them.
For a while there I was so smitten. I took the whole box in exchange for my shoes.
Unfortunately when I opened to taste it, it had a foul smell and a really bad taste. Too late though. It's already in my mouth. Ihad to force myself to spit it out. I had given up my shoes for the whole box but I can't have the chocolates anymore. They are no good. What do I do with them then? I'd throw them but it's going to hurt remembering how I gave up my shoes for something that was not true to what it seemed. So I cried over it. I mourned for my loss. But what can I do? I can't cry over spoiled chocolates forever. With my wounded heart I have to move on and leave it behind. But I'm taking my shoes back. Nobody can have them unless they are worthy to smell the stink that is me.
To be very honest I am still angry - even enraged at times. I still find myself wishing ill of those ugly rotten charmingly packaged chocolates. I know it is not right and I have tried my best to stop being angry and just forget about it. It will take time for me to forgive myself for making the mistake. But there is no other way. Moving on has no short cuts.
When all the anger is gone maybe I would still want to go back to that chocolate shop to get another shot at those charmingly packaged chocolates. I'm sure there are lots of versions of that box whose contents are as beautiful as it looks. But for now my shoes are mine. I am still hurting and my pain is still fresh.
My Chocolates!!! Waaaahhhh!!! :'(
I sure saw the box. It was a charmer.
I had always loved chocolates. It would take almost no amount of effort to lure me into them.
For a while there I was so smitten. I took the whole box in exchange for my shoes.
Unfortunately when I opened to taste it, it had a foul smell and a really bad taste. Too late though. It's already in my mouth. Ihad to force myself to spit it out. I had given up my shoes for the whole box but I can't have the chocolates anymore. They are no good. What do I do with them then? I'd throw them but it's going to hurt remembering how I gave up my shoes for something that was not true to what it seemed. So I cried over it. I mourned for my loss. But what can I do? I can't cry over spoiled chocolates forever. With my wounded heart I have to move on and leave it behind. But I'm taking my shoes back. Nobody can have them unless they are worthy to smell the stink that is me.
To be very honest I am still angry - even enraged at times. I still find myself wishing ill of those ugly rotten charmingly packaged chocolates. I know it is not right and I have tried my best to stop being angry and just forget about it. It will take time for me to forgive myself for making the mistake. But there is no other way. Moving on has no short cuts.
When all the anger is gone maybe I would still want to go back to that chocolate shop to get another shot at those charmingly packaged chocolates. I'm sure there are lots of versions of that box whose contents are as beautiful as it looks. But for now my shoes are mine. I am still hurting and my pain is still fresh.
My Chocolates!!! Waaaahhhh!!! :'(
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Billy and his Bonzai, Drama Queen and her dresses (and a whole lot of other stuff)
I already spoke about my work in one of the previous posts. Now a little sneak peak on my hobbies.
Cristiano Ronaldo my portugese footballer Boyfriend ♥♥♥
Would I choose my hobbies over my work? My hobbies and my work are both important to me equally. If I had to choose between them, I would choose my work so that I can finance my hobbies. I believe in transaction cost economy - it doesn't always have to be a trade off. We just need to strike a balance.
Another lesson I learned from Billy Bonzai is the importance of balance. You can't always have the best of both world. You can choose to pick one and disregard the other but if you can have a bit of both, why wouldn't you choose that?
As for me, there are some subjects that I really like however there are some subjects that I completely abhore. Naturally I spend more time about the subjects that I do like. While I spend more time whining and complaining instead of working on the subjects that I don't like. Likewise there are also people that I really like. So it's very easy for me to help them,work with them, and give them the benefit of the doubt. While there are people whom I don't like so much - for valid reasons - and therefore it is very convenient for me to be prejudiced about them.
No matter how I try to avoid it, I will have to come face to face with the things that I don't like. That's just how it works. My plan of action is to get as much positive energy from doing my likes and use it as my power to face my dislikes. For my bad subjects, I ask help from people whom I like to ease my suffering. For the people I don't like, I use all the positivity in me to put a smile on my face when I deal with them. It is so hard to overcome a dislike. But I think my POA is working alraedy. I have swallowed my pride and admit that I was wrong about some people. While I am still continuously hanging on to my wits in liking some subjects. It's a work in progress. I think it'll work.
Dresses
Blaire Waldorf & Gossip Girl
Would I choose my hobbies over my work? My hobbies and my work are both important to me equally. If I had to choose between them, I would choose my work so that I can finance my hobbies. I believe in transaction cost economy - it doesn't always have to be a trade off. We just need to strike a balance.
Another lesson I learned from Billy Bonzai is the importance of balance. You can't always have the best of both world. You can choose to pick one and disregard the other but if you can have a bit of both, why wouldn't you choose that?
As for me, there are some subjects that I really like however there are some subjects that I completely abhore. Naturally I spend more time about the subjects that I do like. While I spend more time whining and complaining instead of working on the subjects that I don't like. Likewise there are also people that I really like. So it's very easy for me to help them,work with them, and give them the benefit of the doubt. While there are people whom I don't like so much - for valid reasons - and therefore it is very convenient for me to be prejudiced about them.
No matter how I try to avoid it, I will have to come face to face with the things that I don't like. That's just how it works. My plan of action is to get as much positive energy from doing my likes and use it as my power to face my dislikes. For my bad subjects, I ask help from people whom I like to ease my suffering. For the people I don't like, I use all the positivity in me to put a smile on my face when I deal with them. It is so hard to overcome a dislike. But I think my POA is working alraedy. I have swallowed my pride and admit that I was wrong about some people. While I am still continuously hanging on to my wits in liking some subjects. It's a work in progress. I think it'll work.
Bits and Pieces...
I think that there is too much given for us to learn and absorb. Maybe we are learning, but I am not sure if we are absorbing them for the long run. Sometimes I do not see the point in rushing through everything as if we are in a marathon. We came here to learn and to develop the wholistic sense of being a manager. If we can not sleep (we are seriously losing sleep in an unhealthy level) and do anything else beyond trying to catch up on sleep and lessons, I think that it is defeating the purpose. I think that pressure is definitely good. It makes you work harder and go beyond your comfort zone. But 3 months of nothing but studying and meeting and going to school monotonously is so meaningless to me already. At this point, my last motivating force is survival and making the most of what my parents paid for.
I see that we have different survival strategies in times of extreme pressure. Some of us try to cope the honest to goodness way, some get down and dirty while some just whine a lot. I see that it works for us in different ways. I see that my principle of just minding my own business and leaving everybody else alone is good. I already have too much to worry about on my own. I am not interested in other people's schemes anymore. Will I see a silver lining beyond the gray clouds? I hope so. and fast!
I feel so tired already. I am probably saying these things because I am so desperate to break this monotony. I feel like I am in a suffocating relationship - I need to miss the other person for me to remember how to like him again. I honestly don't know how I feel anymore. When you haven't slept well for weeks, and your body clock is all messed up and you're shoved with a lot of things to deal with, you just lose touch of your feelings. I honestly just feel like sleeping. Thats all.
I see that we have different survival strategies in times of extreme pressure. Some of us try to cope the honest to goodness way, some get down and dirty while some just whine a lot. I see that it works for us in different ways. I see that my principle of just minding my own business and leaving everybody else alone is good. I already have too much to worry about on my own. I am not interested in other people's schemes anymore. Will I see a silver lining beyond the gray clouds? I hope so. and fast!
I feel so tired already. I am probably saying these things because I am so desperate to break this monotony. I feel like I am in a suffocating relationship - I need to miss the other person for me to remember how to like him again. I honestly don't know how I feel anymore. When you haven't slept well for weeks, and your body clock is all messed up and you're shoved with a lot of things to deal with, you just lose touch of your feelings. I honestly just feel like sleeping. Thats all.
GOOGLE IT!
In my past posts I always blabbed about wanting variety, meaning, and happiness in my work place, it would've been obvious by now how much I value my creative (if I had any:p) freedom. In the Philippines, due to the limited choices there is always a dilemma between choosing a company which will allow you to work on something that you like and a company which will make you rich. At least for me that has always been the dilemma and for both the times that I had to decide, I chose the first one. Which is the reason why I am not rich, I am a baby boomerang. I come running back to my parents time and again, whining that nothing is happening to my life.
When I came across the Google reading I thought: wow! win-win!
Google is a techie company and I don't know how dynamic marketing for them would be but given that it was alive, I would pay to work for Google.
When I started working as a marketing specialist, I was so enthusiastic. I had an idea for everything. I used to list and develop a lot of ideas on my own then I would practically beg my boss to let me initiate them.But then I got a lot of you can't do this and you can't do that until my mind restricted itself to just think this much and not go beyond the lines. I can still remember the feeling of panic I felt during one of the brain storming sessions for the next year's marketing calendar. I wasn't contributing anything because I had nothing inside my mind. When everything was done, I realized that the activities we came up with were the my ideas back in college. And at that moment I felt so scared that I was losing myself. It was literally panic. Just a few days after that, I filed my resignation. I cannot be there anymore.
I am not blaming this company for whatever mental torture I experienced. I cannot force it to go my way. At the end of the day I am just an employee. My opinions do not matter. Either I conform or I leave. I made my choice.
When I think of Google I imagine the freedom that I beg for being an everyday thing for them. That would be heaven for me. Being able to choose what to work on, coming to work on your own time and being able to wear whatever you like. With this set up I feel that I would be most productive because I have no inhibitions. I would be a bionic woman at work: half woman, half energizer bunny. The more you think out of the box the more innovative your ideas become. I could work for long hours without pay. It would be a dream come true for me.
Some things that did make me happy back at work.
This was the last project I did with past company. It was a pizza making workshop for families and little kids. It was terribly cute. It was such a treat when they approached me and told me thay had a great time.
When I came across the Google reading I thought: wow! win-win!
Google is a techie company and I don't know how dynamic marketing for them would be but given that it was alive, I would pay to work for Google.
When I started working as a marketing specialist, I was so enthusiastic. I had an idea for everything. I used to list and develop a lot of ideas on my own then I would practically beg my boss to let me initiate them.But then I got a lot of you can't do this and you can't do that until my mind restricted itself to just think this much and not go beyond the lines. I can still remember the feeling of panic I felt during one of the brain storming sessions for the next year's marketing calendar. I wasn't contributing anything because I had nothing inside my mind. When everything was done, I realized that the activities we came up with were the my ideas back in college. And at that moment I felt so scared that I was losing myself. It was literally panic. Just a few days after that, I filed my resignation. I cannot be there anymore.
I am not blaming this company for whatever mental torture I experienced. I cannot force it to go my way. At the end of the day I am just an employee. My opinions do not matter. Either I conform or I leave. I made my choice.
When I think of Google I imagine the freedom that I beg for being an everyday thing for them. That would be heaven for me. Being able to choose what to work on, coming to work on your own time and being able to wear whatever you like. With this set up I feel that I would be most productive because I have no inhibitions. I would be a bionic woman at work: half woman, half energizer bunny. The more you think out of the box the more innovative your ideas become. I could work for long hours without pay. It would be a dream come true for me.
Some things that did make me happy back at work.
My lovely desk filled with my trinkets so much that I needed a 2nd one. It comes with my very dear friend.
We get to decide which collaterals to create. We also get to play with them first.
This one was really fun. I did a bit of math. I had to calculate how many pizze slices could fit into this 2x3 meter slice. I had to collaborate with R&D and operations for this. It was cool. Oh and the even cooler part, it was held in Baguio - my favorite city.
The hot air balloon event was really overwhelmingly beautiful. But it was also overwhelmingly tiring. I had to wake up at 4 am daily, and the scorching heat of the sun was aweful.
Me and my teammated get to go to events often. The perks of being in marketing.
This was the last project I did with past company. It was a pizza making workshop for families and little kids. It was terribly cute. It was such a treat when they approached me and told me thay had a great time.
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